Darkness Bound
by Hikari Moriyaku
Summary: She's drowning inside herself again, but even more now that Terra is back. Will Raven ever get what she wants? Does being happy mean killing? At least 3 reviews to continue!
1. Emotionless and Hollow

**DISCLAIMER:** **I don't own Teen Titans.**

Chapter 1: Emotionless and Hollow

She cried. Darkness had bound her heart a long time ago. All she could see was the blurred form of a shadow in her mirror. She wiped her tears and looked at the face. She couldn't even recognize it anymore. It was a stranger that once was her. The violet eyes flashed pain and hollowness that none of her so-called friends could see. Darkness had taken over her life. She needed to find the light. What was left but an empty figure struggling inside of her own body.

Emotionless and cold, she left her room hoping to get a glimse at what the normal people were doing. When she entered the living room, she saw a familiar site. The green changling and half man were sitting on the large blue couch trying to beat each other in the week's game. Their leader sat on a stool in their kitchen watching the alien intently.

She let out a small sigh. The alien looked up and smiled.

"Good morning, friend Raven!"

"Whatever," she grumbled and walked over to a cabnet.

She reached inside and pulled out a small cup. This was her cup, stained with her tea and touch. She sighed once more and set it on the counter. Again she reached into the cabnet. This time, she pulled out a box of assorted teas. She flipped through them.

'_This one looks good_,' she thought pulling out a small packet.

Placing a kettle on the stove, she turned on the small stove. She turned and glanced at their leader. Robin sat staring at the alien girl. She could swear that he was drooling. She couldn't tell at what, but she was sure it wasn't the pudding that Starfire was making. She rolled her eye then glanced over at the two "idiots" on the couch. Cyborg was practically sitting on the changling. She guessed it was because Beastboy was beating Cyborg for the millionth time. This week's game was always won by Beastboy.

"Get off of me!" Beastboy howled.

"I'm going to beat you, you cheating elf!"

Raven turned back to her kettle. The water inside was boiling. She poured it into her small cup and placed the powdered tea inside of it. Opening a drawer, she pulled out a small spoon. Thus, she began to stir the water, making it into tea. A sigh emerged from her mouth.

"Oh, hey Raven. Didn't see you come in," said Robin, noticing the dark teen.

She just turned and walked over to the left end of the couch. One of her old books sat on the coffee table. She picked it up then dropped it on the ground quickly. Peanut butter covered her hand.

"Beastboy..."

The changling looked over at her as he won the game. Raven glared at him.

"Hi, Rae!" Beastboy said crawling out from under Cyborg.

"How many times do I have to tell you that my name is Raven?"

"Sorry, Rae...ven."

She rolled her eyes. Beastboy stood and walked over to her. He transformed into a St. Bernard and licked her hand clean. He transformed back, smiling with his green eyes closed.

"Uck," she said looking at her slobber filled hand.

Beastboy laughed and scratched his head.

"Sorry, Rae. I guess I don't know my own slobber."

She stood and hit him upside the head with her spit-filled hand. Beastboy fell backwards. Raven cleaned her hand off in his hair and picked up her book. She wiped the rest of the peanut butter on his shirt. The rest of the Titans looked at her in amazement. Raven stormed off. No one made her as mad as Beastboy did. She went into her room and locked the door. Just as she sat on her bed, a small knock on her door was heard.

"Raven?"

She groaned. As always, Beastboy was back to apologize. She stood. The cup in her hand was placed on her dresser on a cup holder. She walked over to her door, but stood at least two feet behind it. There was another knock.

"Rae? Raven! I know you're in there!"

"What?" she didn't ask, she demanded.

"I'm sorry about the peanut butter and the...uh..."

"Just forget about it."

"Huh!"

"I said to forget about it," she repeated, noting the sadness in her voice.

"Woah! Rae, can I come in? Is there something wrong?"

Raven paused. There was something wrong. She was being consumed by darkness. It was slowling forcing it's way into her heart, freezing her soul. She brought her hands to her shoulders. They were cold, colder than any other part of her body. She bit her lip. She wanted to tell him. She had to tell someone, but she was afraid of what could happen if she broke down. Crying could hurt the Titans. She couldn't afford to hurt them.

"Raven?"

"Just go away," she whispered, choking back her icy tears.

Silence came, then went as Beastboy transformed in front of her. He looked at her. Her glance turned from him to a place on the floor to the right. Her hands moved to her elbows and she closed her eyes. A hand touched her shoulder.

"Raven, what's wrong?"

She froze inside. Could he see her tears? Could her feel her pain? Thousands of thoughts ran through her mind. She opened her eyes. They moved as if they were reading each one. His other hand grabbed her chin and moved her face to look at his. One small tear fell. Beastboy rubbed it away with his thumb. She closed her eyes.

"Beastboy..."

He silenced her by placing two fingers on her lips. Raven quickly opened her eyes. His face was emotionless, but she knew he had to be feeling something. He was acting like her, emotionless and hollow on the outside, full of pain and sorrow on the inside. But she had to look, she had to know. Her violet eyes glanced into his green ones. His did the same. She wanted to say something, but no words could come out of her mouth.

"Raven?"

Beastboy spoke for her. She blinked.

"Yes?" she choked.

"If I told you something, would you get mad?"

She shook her head. She couldn't be mad at him. She never could. There was just something about those green eyes that sparked this fear in her. She always wondered if he was her friend. She didn't worry about the others, just him. It was always just Beastboy.

"Raven, I love you."

"What?" she asked, her eyes growing wide.

"I...I love you."

Her hands dropped from her arms. His eyes were filled with concern for the dark teen and she knew it. Somehow, she always knew.

"How?"

He shrugged. His thumb was rubbing her cheek gently and she had no desire to remove it. Yet as he looked at the ground and dropped his hand, Raven felt a wave of loneliness hit her. She closed her eyes.

"I shouldn't have said that. I better go."

"No!" she said quickly, opening her eyes. "Please, don't go."

Beastboy quickly took her in his arms. Raven didn't want him to let go. She knew that deep inside of her, the same emotion that she had held in for so long, was breaking free. She loved him as well. She never wanted him to leave. He was the only light she had left, pure and innocent. She felt her arms wrap around him. She closed her eyes and held on to him tightly. Beastboy looked up. He grabbed her chin with one of his green hands and rubbed another tear falling down her cheek. She couldn't cry more than one. His eyes teared up.

"Raven, please tell me that this isn't fake."

She opened her eyes.

"Please tell me that you love me, too," his eyes pleaded.

She swallowed. No words seemed to come into her mind now. She just wanted to stay in his arms. Darkness was slowly disappearing from her heart. But she did manage to do something, her mouth formed a small smiled. Beastboy's eyes lit up. He brought her closer, his lips mear inches from hers. She didn't stop it. She knew that she wanted this. Even as his lips touched hers, she remained quiet and calm. As her eyes closed, an emotion she hadn't thought of came to the surface, happiness. She was happy.

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I like this one...A LOT! I hope you do too! At least 3 review to put up next chapter!

Hikari Moriyaku


	2. Bleeding Out, Losing Again

**Chapter 2: Bleeding Out, Losing Again**

Two days passed without one second with him being with her. Beastboy longed to be with Raven, but he knew that the others would get curious and demand to know what was up. Beastboy knew that he was a terrible liar. So, he just stole glances at Raven. He would look at her in the hallway. He would watch her from the distance. Today, he stood near her bedroom doorway. Raven's stereo was blasting. This happened rarely, but he knew why. She was trying to get as much of her dangerous emotions out as possible. He swallowed and finally knocked on her door. Raven opened the door. She looked at him, trying not to smile or pull him quickly into her room.

"What?" she said coldly, maybe a little too cold.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Fine," she said letting him in.

The door closed. She walked over to her stereo and turned it down. Beastboy stood close to the door, watching her move. He wanted to hold her again, but he feared what she might do. Instead, he just stood there. She glanced over at him. Their eyes met, but her's moved away. He felt a weight in his heart. He loved her, but he didn't know if she loved him.

"Rae?"

"Hm?"

Her violet eyes looked at his once more. He wanted to get lost in her eyes. She blinked, causing him to close his eyes and shake his head. Raven looked at him questionally. Did she do something wrong? She walked over to him.

"What?"

"Nevermind."

Raven looked at him, confusion in her violet eyes. He closed his and sighed. He didn't know what to say. Thousands of words filled his mind, but none came to his lips, except four.

"Do you love me?"

She froze. Could she tell him the truth? Could she let her heart bleed out? Something inside her screamed no. Another part of her whispered quietly to her. She closed her eyes and listened to the whispered voice. Beastboy looked at her. He nodded. As he started to walk away from her, Raven grabbed his shoulder. He turned and looked at her. A tear snaked it's way down her cheek. He reached up and wiped it away gently, a small smile on his face. Then she smiled. His heart jumped. He somehow knew that she loved him. He knew, but didn't say anything. He thought that it was her uncontrolable emotions keeping her from telling him yes. Yet, it came in a quiet voice.

"Yes."

She was bleeding out to him. Beastboy nearly fainted. The one word that he truely wanted to hear. The only word that could make him fully love her. Her smile faded He placed his free hand on her shoulder.

"Never lose that smile, Raven. It just makes you even more beautiful," he whispered.

She blushed and smiled again, her heart bleeding out yet again. Somehow, she knew that he could be trusted even if the thing she wanted to tell him, show him, could split them apart. So with another quiet voice, she asked.

"If I told you something, would you get angry?"

"I never could," Beastboy replied.

Raven nodded. She slipped out of his touch, hating every second of it. She walked over to a book on her dresser and picked it up. Beastboy walked towards her. He noticed her smile fading.

"What is it?"

Then he heard the words that he never thought he would hear again.

"I know how to bring Terra back."

Time itself stopped for Raven. Beastboy's eyes grew wide. His face erupted in a huge smile.

"Are you serious!" he asked loudly.

Raven nodded, her heart dying. He hugged her and ran over to her door. In one second, he was gone leaving Raven to cry alone. Her heart had bled out and she lost him.

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Woo! This is a good one! Sad ending tho! Next chapter is even sadder! WOO!

Hikari Moriyaku


	3. You're Taking Over Me

Chapter 3: "You're Taking Over Me."

Beastboy and the others stood off the the side as Raven stood in front of what was once their friend, their enemy. She chanted words, her magic encasing the stone girl. Beastboy's heart skipped a beat. He was going to get Terra back, his Terra. Raven said that she would find a cure. She did. In a quick flash, stone turned to flesh. Terra dropped to her knees. Beastboy rushed past Raven to her. The dark teen turned her head. The others ran over to Beastboy and Terra, Raven did not. She looked at the rest once before heading out of the old tomb. They didn't need her anymore.

One week later-------------

_You don't remember me_

_But I remember you_

_I lie awake and try so hard_

_Not to think of you_

_But who can decide what they dream?_

_And dream I do..._

Tears poured out of Raven's violet eyes. Her worst enemy was back, loneliness. It had been a week since she revived Terra and the girl had already joined them again. Raven found it hard to believe that after her betrayal, they still let the traitor in. That is all she saw Terra as. The traitor that tried to kill them all. The liar who crushed Beastboy for the longest time. Now, she had come back into their lives like nothing happened, except Raven.

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

No matter how much she cried locked up in her room, Beastboy would not come. Terra had taken over his life again. Raven sat in her room and bawled, hoping that her would hear her and come running in. She wanted him to hold her again. It was just a few minutes that she got to be with him the way she wanted to. It killed her heart to know that she could have kept them together by never letting him know about the cure. If only she had kept her mouth shut. If only she didn't break down for his eyes.

_Have you forgotten all I know_

_And all we had?_

_You saw me mourning my love for you_

_And touched my hand_

_I knew you loved me then_

Somehow, tears formed in her violet eyes. Her sadness finally found its way out. As she cried, several objects in her room glowed and shattered. Lightning crashed outside, making her jump. There was a knock at her door.

"Rae?" said the voice she didn't want to hear.

Raven teleported herself to the roof where the rain hid her salty tears. She closed her eyes and let the cold rain hit her pale face. A lightning bolt flashed in the dark sky. She quickly looked at the ground. A puddle started forming at her feet. The lightning flashed again. Her reflection changed. She saw her face, then his, then hers again like there was nothing there. Raven closed her eyes and shook her head. She dropped to her knees.

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

The one face she did not need to see. Tears poured from her eyes, mixing with the rain. The lightning flashed black instead of it's normal colors. The wind picked up, wipping her cape around her, hiding her from the darkness. She sat in the rain. Even as it beat up against her shivering body, she remained still. Her violet eyes were closed. She heard the door to the roof open.

"Rae!"

"No," she whimpered to the voice, though the person could not hear her.

_I look in the mirror and see your face_

_If I look deep enough_

_So many things inside that are_

_Just like you are taking over_

"Raven!"

She froze. She couldn't move. Beastboy was calling to her, but she couldn't hear him. The lightning flashed again. Raven felt two hands pull her away as the bolt struck where she was. She looked up into his face. Worry filled his emerald eyes.

"Raven, what are you doing out here?"

She couldn't reply. This was the first time in a week that he even knowledged her existance.

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

"Raven?"

"I...I would like to go back inside now," she said.

The lightning died down, leaving a gental rain. Her tears were gone, washed away by the sky, but they still remained in her heart. He nodded and lead her inside. They entered the living room. Raven sat down on the large blue couch. Immediatly, there was a blanket around her shivering body. He stood in front of her, but her eyes were looking at the ground.

"Raven?"

She didn't say anything. Beastboy grabbed her chin. She pulled away. He crouched down and looked into her eyes. She closed them.

"I don't get you! I'm trying to talk to you, but you refuse! I want to know why you've been locked in your room. I want to know why you were on the roof in the rain! I want to know now!"

Words forced their way out of her mouth. Days of rage finally seeped through, causing her normally violet eyes to split and turn red.

"It was you! You did this to me! I hate you! I fucking hate you!"

He fell back, horrified. Raven stood and walked closer to him. He backed up.

"I let you kiss me! I let you know that I loved you! What do I get? Betrayed! AGAIN!"

"Raven! Please!"

She paused. Her eyes returned to normal. Terrified, Beastboy stood and backed up. She gasped. Somehow, her anger found its way out. She didn't know what to do. She stood there. Beastboy watched her carefully. He also didn't know what to say.

"Rae, I never meant to hurt you. I just...I haven't seen Terra in so long."

She looked at the ground, holding back tears.

"Raven, please talk to me. What is wrong?"

Four words escaped her mouth.

"You're taking over me."

Beastboy stood more shocked than terrified. Raven turned and walked towards her bedroom, brushing past Terra and Cyborg as they entered the room.

"We heard yelling," the blonde said looking from Raven to Beastboy.

"It was nothing," she replied walking faster, clutching the blanket around her.

Cyborg and Terra exchanged glances before looking at the changling. He stood there, his eyes blank. Somehow, he heard exactly what he needed to hear.

sniffles Sad chapter...but very good. Love that song! GAH!

Hikari Moriyaku


	4. I Know You Hear Me

Chapter 4: "I Know You Hear Me..."

_Hold on to me my love_

_You know I can't stay long_

_All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid_

_Can you hear me?_

_Can you feel me in your arms?_

She sat in her room, music blasting. The Titans all knew to stay away from her when she had her music up. But the song was the least of their problems. Inside her dark room, small blood droplettes fell to the ground. She sat in the middle of her room, a switchblade in her hand. She had not used it in years. The rusty blade sliced deeply through her pale skin, over and on old scars. She bit her lip to hold in a cry. A few tears dripped down her face. This used to be how she held in her emotions. This was how she was before she came to the Tower, before she became a Titan. It didn't seem to matter now. She lost everything. There was nothing left but pain and darkness.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you?_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

Once or twice someone knocked on her door. She just turned up the music. Once, Cyborg came and demanded that she turned it down. Raven did it, quietly, and without protest. She didn't feel like fighting. She didn't care anymore. Everytime the alarm went off, she stayed. They just stopped asking her for help now. There was five of them. They didn't need a sixth. So, she sat in her room, music blaring.

_I'll miss the winter_

_A world of fragile things_

_Look for me in the white forest_

_Hiding in a hollow tree_

_Come find me_

_I know you hear me_

_I can taste it in your tears_

"I know you hear me..." she repeated to herself.

A soft knock was heard. She stood. Quickly, she covered her arms and put the blade in a safe place. Another knock and she walked to it.

"What?"

"Raven, it's me," came his voice.

"What do you want?"

He paused. Raven sighed. She still loved him no matter what he did.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

"Sorry for what? Betraying me or lying to me."

"Dude! Raven, what's your problem?"

She opened the door. Her sleep deprived eyes glared at him. He backed up, horrified at the look on her pale face.

"You are."

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you?_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

Beastboy looked at her in confusion. He still loved her, but she could never give him what he wanted. Terra could feel. Terra said she loved him. Terra went everywhere with him. Yet, thoughts of his dark beauty crossed his mind. He wished that it was her he was with. He wished that it was her that he was kissing. He wished that it was her who he planned on spending the rest of his life with. So, he sighed.

_Closing your eyes to disappear_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_

_But still you wake and know the truth_

_No one's there_

She turned away.

"Go away."

His emerald eyes dropped to the ground as the door closed. He wanted to yell to her that he loved her. Yet, he refrained as Terra and Starfire approached him. They looked at him. He sighed and walked away. The two girls looked at each other then to Raven's closed door. They ran to him, one on each side.

"Has friend Raven come out of her room?" Starfire asked.

"Yeah, Rave's been in there a long time," added Terra.

He didn't reply. The girls exchanged looks. Beastboy sighed again and entered his messy room, closing the door behind him. Yet again, they exchanged glances. Starfire put a hand on her arm. Terra shrugged it off. She knew that he would snap out of it later. It was Raven. She always upset him.

_Say goodnight_

_Don't be afraid_

_Calling me calling me as you fade to black_

Beastboy leaned up against the door. Raven crossed through his mind. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to be with her, but the words could not find their way to his mouth. So, he stood in his room, wondering why she was so angry with him. He knew that she hated Terra. He knew that she would rather die than to have that traitor back. Yet, he didn't understand how she was so angry with him when he told Terra that he was interested in someone else.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

She sighed. She was hungry and the smell of Cyborg's cooking was getting to her. She only ate what was stored in her room and that was running low. She needed real food. So, she opened the door and walked towards the kitchen.

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WOOT! Alright...chapter 5 is done, but not started on 6. Hope to have it up soon. Need three reviews to continue!

Hikari Moriyaku


	5. Blood and Tears

Chapter 5: Blood and Tears

xxxxxOne Week Laterxxxxx

"What is this bologna you speak of? Is it an animal?"

They all groaned. Starfire blinked and looked around. Terra pulled out a package of bologna.

"Star, this is bologna. It is made from pigs."

"Oh...then it will not hurt me?"

They all groaned again. Starfire laughed a little and smiled. Beastboy threw up his hands.

"I give!"

Terra giggled. Raven, who was sitting on the couch reading a book, rolled her eyes. He jumped over the couch and landed next to Raven. She looked briefly over at him, then back to her book. He morphed into a small kitten and climbed into her lap. Raven looked at him.

"Just what I need, a green fluff ball. Can I throw it out?"

"Come on, Rave! He's so cute!" exclaimed Terra.

She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, so cute."

Raven stood, causing kitty Beastboy to fall to the ground. There was a quick meow before he transformed.

"Dude! Ouch!"

She grinned a little before heading back towards her bedroom. She noticed Robin staring at Starfire again. The alien was making something throwing bologna into a bowl. Cyborg sat on the couch and started to play Gamestation.

"Yo! Who wants to go!"

Terra jumped up. She ran over and took the control. Beastboy just stood and watched Raven. She left the room. He sighed.

"Yo! B! You want to play winner?" asked Terra.

"Nah."

Terra and the half man looked at each other. They were surprised that he would turn down a gamn of Space Race 2005. He loved that game. He was the one that bought it. Instead of sitting down, he left the room. Slowly, he drifted towards the dark teen's room. Music was blaring. He knew that something was up. Before knocking on her door, he paused. Her door opened and she glared at him.

"What?"

"Huh?"

Raven sighed. He grinned and rubbed the back of his head.

"Hey, Rae. Just wanted to see what was up."

"Nothing."

"Good. Uh...you want to go somewhere?"

"No."

"Uh...alright."

Her door slammed in his face. He backed up a little, unsure of what just happened. It seemed that that was just plain Raven. It wasn't the Raven he knew. So, he pounded on the door again. She turned up her music.

"Raven!"

No reply. So, he transformed into something small enough to get under the door and morphed in her room. Raven was sitting on her bed, a switchblade in her hand, blood dripping down her arm to a towel on her legs. She looked up at him in horror.

"Beastboy," she choked.

He looked at her arms. Several scars lined them. Blood mixed with tears fell onto the black towel gently placed on her lap. She quickly brought the towel to her arms. He looked into her violet eyes. He couldn't speak. He wasn't supposed to see that. He never was meant to. She just looked at him, holding in her tears.

"Raven..."

"Please. Please don't tell anyone," she choked out.

He closed his eyes. She did the same.

"I...I wo..." he sighed. "I won't."

She nodded. He knew that she wanted him to leave, but he couldn't. He wanted to rush over to her and take her into his arms. He wanted to kiss away all of her pain. Yet, she wouldn't even look at him. He wondered if she loved him, but didn't know when to ask. He stood right in front of her.

"Raven...why?"

"Does it matter? No one cares."

XXX

Sorry for long ass delay! HAVE FUN!

Hikari Moriyaku


	6. Just Take Me Away From Me

Chapter 6: "Just take me away from me."

Beastboy locked his eyes with hers. He loved her. He needed her. Yet, he had to know why she would hurt herself like this. He had to.

"Raven...why? Why did you do this?"

She sighed. He moved the towel from her arm. Only the deep few were still bleeding. Several tiny ones lined her arms. He winced and tried so hard not to get sick at the sight. Her arms were so red, so raw.

"Please...don't look at them," she whispered.

"Raven, why?"

She shrugged.

"Why not? It's not like anyone would care."

"I care! Damn it...I love you."

"You can't love me."

Then, she paused. Her eyes traced his face. Did he tell her that he loved her? She questioned herself. He couldn't love her. He loved Terra. He always have. He always will.

"Raven...please. Don't shut me out like you have everything else. I told you I loved you and I mean it. I want to be with you."

She started to cry. A book rose then exploded. She gasped and teleported out of her room. Beastboy run towards the roof. He stopped when he saw her in the living room. She was staring out the window, no emotion on her face, her sleeves down. He slowly walked towards her. She turned and looked at him.

"Never tell," she whispered at Robin and Terra entered the room.

They paused and looked at Raven. Beastboy jumped on the couch.

"Come on, Rae! Just one!" he yelled as he normally did, picking up a remote to the Gamestation.

"No," she replied leaving the room.

"Come on!" he yelled following her.

Terra and Robin looked at each other as the two left.

xxxxxThat Nightxxxxx

_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all asume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again_

Beastboy left earlier that night, taking her switchblade. He told her no more. So, she just sat in her room, scissors in her hand. The blades made large messy cuts on her arm and they needed more pressure. She had to bit her lip just to keep from screaming. Just as long as Beastboy didn't know, she didn't care. She was going to cut him out. She had to.

"More."

Slice after slice, she bit harder. Blood started to trickle down her lip. She was bitting too hard. Raven wanted to scream. She needed to. Instead, she threw the scissors accross the room. The hit the door then bounced off. Blood stained her dark carpet.

"I don't want it anymore. I don't. I want him," she whispered pulling out her violet hair.

There was a soft knock.

"Raven?"

"Beastboy!"

She rushed to the door and opened it. Right in the hallway, she wrapped her arms around him. He pulled back. Her arms slipped. Beastboy stepped back. She looked down then back up.

"I..."

"I know. I know, Raven. I-I-I had to tell," he said, cutting her off.

She backed up as Cyborg looked at her.

"No..."

"Now, Rae...come on."

"You told! You lied to me! I hate you!" she yelled at Beastboy running into her room.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause inside I realise_

_That I'm the one confused_

Cyborg grabbed her bloody arm. She yelped in pain. He pulled her into the light and looked at her arms.

"Raven!"

She tried to pull away, tears welling in her eyes. Lightbulbs flashed, then broke. Beastboy looked at her.

"Raven! Stop!"

She cried harder, trying to pull away. Cyborg looked at her. His face mortified at what she did.

"Let go!" she cried.

"Cy, you're hurting her!" Beastboy yelled pulling the half man's hand away from her.

Raven collapsed into his arms. He pulled her close, closing his emerald eyes.

"Shh. It's okay, Raven. It's okay."

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

He looked at her lips. Dried blood stained her lower one.

"You pushed too hard," he said looking at her right arm.

She breathed softly, ending her crying. His eyes searched her face for a reason. He needed one. Yet, her eyes gave no reason. He wished that she would open up and tell him. He needed her more than she knew. He wanted to take that switchblade to his wrist just like her. He wanted to do the one thing that he thought could get rid of her. He only could get one cut. That was when he realized that it did nothing. It proved nothing. It just left scars and the chance that one day, you could go too deep.

"Please, leave me," she whispered.

Beastboy nodded as she backed away from him and walked over to her window. The changling looked at Cyborg.

"Let's go."

"But, B-"

"No, let's go."

The two left leaving her alone again. Several thoughts raced through her mind. But one stuck, leaving a painful image right in front of her amethest eyes.

'_All it takes is a little more pressure. All it takes is just to get it deeper._'

She picked up the bloody scissors and pressed them against her wrist.

'_Slice deep, Raven. Don't look back. They won't miss you,_' said a voice in her head.

"Beastboy. What about him?" she whispered.

'_What about him? He doesn't really care. He's lying to you._'

_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than anytime before_

_I had no options left again_

"No, he would never do that. Not to me. He loves me."

'_He said he loved you. He's lying. He just doesn't want to feel your guilt. It makes him look back. They all know. They will make him look back. Just do it and you can save yourself. You can stop the pain. Don't you want to get rid of the pain?_'

"Get rid of the pain? Yes. I want to get rid of the pain."

'_Then do it. Slice in deep. Don't look back. It only takes a few more seconds of pain then it is all gone._'

Raven pressed down as hard as she could. Searing pain reached at her eyes and formed in her chest. More pain than she could imagine burned like a wild fire in her mind, causing all of her good memories to flash in her mind. She saw what she always wanted to see. She saw him. Beastboy. The only person that could truely make her smile. The only person that she loved more than life itself. Yet, she was ending it.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

Growling in rage, Raven threw the scissors across the room. They hit the window causing it to shatter. There was running down the hall then banging on her door. She used what left of her strenght to use her telepathy to lock the door. Cyborg's cries rang out, but she didn't listen. She wasted it all away. She was letting it all go. Even with the kiss that changed her, Raven still wanted to let it all go.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

She bit her lip and walked over to an empty wall. She smeared her own half demon blood on it, spelling out letters that she herself could not say. The blood slowly rolled down the wall as would water in a shower. Raven admired her work before collapsing on the ground. Another shout was heard. This time it was Robin. Then she heard Starfire, but she did nothing. They didn't matter. They never did. Finally, one person broke through. Beastboy appeared next to her and gathered her in his arms. Tears poured from his eyes. He looked up at what was written on the wall.

"I've woken now to find myself in the shadow of a life I've created. I'm longing to be lost in you. Take me away from the place I am made. Just take me away from me," he read out loud. "I won't let you go that fast, Raven. I won't. I need you."

_I'll paint it on the wall_

_Cause I'm the one at fault_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends_

"You don't need me," she whispered, her strenght quickly leaving her tired body.

Beastboy pulled her closer to him. He grabbed one of her bloody hands and placed it over his own heart.

"My heart only beats for you, Raven. It always have. It always will."

Tears formed in her violet eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she managed to whisper.

As her breathing slowed, Beastboy picked her up. He walked over to her bedroom door and opened it. The other Titans except Terra was there. They looked at him then to Raven as she laid dying in his arms.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_To show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

"She's losing blood quickly," he said.

Cyborg took the dark girl from his arms and headed quickly towards the infermary. Robin followed. Starfire looked at Beastboy. His eyes stared ahead emotionless, almost Raven-like. He sighed and headed after the other two Titans, but Starfire stopped him.

"You love her, am I correct?"

"Yeah, I do," he replied, not hiding any second of it.

She nodded and let him continue. One quick glance into Raven's room gave the alien thousands of questions. She had only been in her room a few times, but it was always tidy. The newer Raven's room was messy with dried blood spots all over the floor and some dripping words on the wall. The window that Starfire herself had looked out so many times was shattered. Rain began to seep its way through, wetting the blood stained ground. She walked over to the window and pushed an automatic lock off to close the open window. Walking to the door, she stopped to see Raven's diary on the ground, wide open. She noticed several blood spots in it as well as tear stains. Cringing, she slowly closed the door.

-------------

UPDATED! To the person who hates the fact that Raven cuts in this and EVERY story...SORRY! I'm a cutter...so...yeah...ONE MORE CHAPTER! WOO!

Hikari Moriyaku


	7. The Tape

Sorry for that long ass wait. I've had this done for a while, just never got around to post it till now. I'm bored. Go figure. Anyway! Enjoy the last chapter!

BOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGER

Chapter 7: The Tape

"Is friend Raven okay?" asked Starfire a few hours later.

"She will be," Robin replied. "But I can't help but wonder why she would do something like this."

Beastboy remained quiet as he stared out the window. Terra stood next to him, watching his blank eyes. Starfire turned to him and blinked.

"Do you know, Beastboy?"

Reality snapped him back. The changling turned to his questioner and shrugged. Terra and Starfire exchanged glances.

"But you do know, don't you?" said Robin, folding his arms across his chest.

"Leave him alone, Robin. He's had a ruff day," Terra ordered placing a hand on Beastboy's shoulder.

Beastboy moved his body from her touch.

"Can I see her?" he asked Robin.

"Sure. Cyborg's just finishing up."

He walked inside. Several wires were hooked up to his Raven.

'_She's not mine anymore,_' he thought. '_I don't even know who she is._'

Cyborg looked up.

"She'll be okay soon. I bet she'll be up in a few hours and we'll take out that breathing tube."

Beastboy sighed. The half man moved next to him. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"The last thing she said before she passed out was that she was sorry to you. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I know something did. Y'all can't keep it quiet for too long before someone notices. I know that she likes you, maybe even loves you. She said she felt something different. I don't know what she meant. All I know is that she needs you to pull out of this cause I'm not going to let her do this again."

Tears found their way to Beastboy's eyes. He collapsed into a chair. Cyborg looked at him.

"I'm the reason she did this. I told her that I loved her than betrayed her. She wanted to end it all because of me and I don't know what to do anymore."

Cyborg nodded.

"Then you need to tell her that."

"I did!" he said through gritted teeth. "I told her that I love her and only her. She didn't believe me. I should have seen it sooner. I should have stopped her. I failed her. I nearly killed her."

"No, she nearly killed herself. Not you."

Cyborg left the room leaving the beeping of a heart monitor and a soft rain hitting the window. Beastboy looked up. The girl lying on the bed wasn't the girl he once knew. She was gone with him as the killer. Standing, he stubbled over to her. He noticed the bandages around both of her wrists and winced. He thought he had saved her, but he failed. Wrapping one of her hands in his, he leaned down and kissed her forehead gently, not caring that Terra was walking into the room. The earth mover stood in the doorway silently. Her eyes moved from Beastboy to Raven then back again. Even admiss the beeping from the heart monitor, silence filled the room. Terra didn't even have to say a word.

"I'm sorry, Terra."

"For what?" she asked knowing full well what he was talking about.

"I don't love you anymore. Maybe...I never did."

Silence came again. Terra walked over to him and gave him a hug. He returned it but without his hand that was around Raven's. The girl pulled back. She smiled. Beastboy nodded.

"Thank you for understanding," he said.

"In a way, I always knew."

A smile creeped across his face.

"I'll still kick your butt on Space Race 2005."

"You wish!"

"Bring it!"

They both laughed. Then, they fell silent.

"You better treat her like you treated me. She'll need it," said Terra.

"Yeah," he replied looking down at Raven. "Maybe I'll be even better."

Terra smirked. She turned and left the room. Beastboy's smile didn't fade. His emerald eyes watched Raven, not letting him forget anything. He didn't want to forget her. He never did. She was sick and he needed to help her.

xxxxxTwo Weeks Laterxxxxx

"Yo, B! You got mail!"

Beastboy flew off the couch and practically tackled down Cyborg for the package in his hand. The emerald eyed teen ripped open the box and pulled out a tape and three envelopes. He opened one. It was from a hospital. Robin and Cyborg eyed him cautiously. Beastboy groaned.

"Dude! These guys are expensive!"

"What else do ya expect! They're docs!" Cyborg replied.

"Just open up another one," Robin said taking the bill from Beastboy.

Beastboy opened another one. This one was a doctor's note.

"What does it say?" asked Starfire.

Beastboy read it out loud.

"Dear Teen Titans,

I am sending you this tape and this note-"

"Not to mention the bill," Terra said under her breath.

"Hey, shut it!" Cyborg ordered.

Beastboy continued.

"Your friend is doing very well. She should be out in no longer than a month. We have given her medications and we will be taking her off of those soon. I am surprised by her recovery. She seems to really want to get better. I am glad that you had sent her to us when you did. The depression in her mind was eatting at her sense. She couldn't think straight and I think that was the cause for the suicide attempt. I also believe that false truths in her thoughts were guiding her down the wrong path. She now knows what is true and what is false. Also, I believe that she will be in a much better mood for the most part. I don't think anyone will get hurt for a long time, but I could be wrong. From what she tells me, one certain person annoys her to the point of insanity."

They all laughed except for Beastboy and Starfire. He looked at them.

"Dude, what's so funny?"

"That was _so_ normal Rave!" Terra said with a large grin.

"Who was the doctor talking about?"

"He was talking about B, Star," replied Cyborg.

"Oh."

Beastboy glared at them. He knew that it was true, he just didn't want to say anything. He wanted to prove that he wasn't the idiot Raven said he was. So, he continued to read the letter.

"I hope that she doesn't do something too mean. I don't think that could help her to a full recovery. I just wanted to update you and send you this tape. We have several conversations recorded onto the tape and I thought you would like to hear them. They start from the beginning of her recovery to the most recent. I hope you enjoy.

Doctor W. C. Taylor"

Beastboy put the letter down. He looked at the last letter. Slowly, he reached down and picked it up. Opening the envelope, he noticed a familiar writing. It was Raven's. So, he quickly put the letter in a pocket.

"Why are you not reading that one, Beastboy?" Starfire asked.

"I want to read it alone. And I would like to watch the tape alone, too."

"Go ahead," said Robin. "It is yours after all."

Beastboy nodded and took the tape to his room. He entered and locked the door. After tripping on several things, he found his way to his own TV and VCR. He put the tape in. The screen showed a white room with Raven sitting on a wooden chair. She was alone and looking down at her feet. There was a voice from nowhere.

"What is your name?" the voice asked.

"Raven Roth," the hollow teen replied.

Beastboy watched in amazement. That was what she was like right after the attempt.

"How old are you?" the questions continued.

"16."

"Do you know why you are here?"

"I'm sick and he wants me to get better?"

"Who, my dear?"

"Beastboy," she said looking up at the camera.

Beastboy held his breath.

"Do you know why he wants you to get better?"

She nodded.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

She sighed. Beastboy grinned. That was his Raven.

"He wants me to get better because I tried to kill myself."

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I thought that he didn't love me."

Those words echoed in his mind. He loved her with everything in him. The tape flashed to another session. Raven sat in the same chair, but she stared at the camera. Emptiness still filled her violet eyes. Beastboy still did not breathe.

"How are you feeling today, my dear?" the voice asked.

"I feel...empty. Like, I have nothing to live for."

"Do you still want to die?"

She hesitated before she replied.

"Yes."

Beastboy's heart dropped. He didn't know how long ago this was, but he hated it. He just wanted to scream at the TV. She knew the difference between right and wrong and he knew it. He knew almost everything about her.

"Do you know how long you have been here?"

"I lost track after the first hour."

"I want a correct answer, Raven."

She sighed.

"Four days."

"So, four days and you still want to die? Why is that?"

"Because I hate it here."

"Why?"

"This place isn't making me feel better. I want to go home."

"You can't, my dear. Do you know why?"

"Because he wants me to get better," she replied looking down.

"Who?"

"Beastboy."

"Why is that?"

"Because," she looked up. "he loves me."

Taking in a deep breath, Beastboy nearly fainted. The screen changed again. The date said that she had been there for ten days. He looked at a different Raven. She didn't look empty, she looked confused.

"How do you feel today, Raven?"

"I feel confused."

"Why?"

"I don't know what is right anymore."

"Why is that?"

"They say that hurting myself and trying to kill myself is bad. They say that I was wrong and I need to live out my life. But I want to die."

"Do you know why you can't?"

"No."

"Then, why are you still alive?"

"Because I love him and I want to get better for him."

"Who's him, Raven? Do we have to go through this everytime?"

"Do you have to ask the same stupid question when you know the answer?"

Beastboy laughed. That was his Raven. There was silence in the tape. Raven slowly smiled, a hint of slyness in her eyes.

"I think I got you speechless," she said.

"Now, Raven. You're not supposed to do that. You know why we have this questionair."

"Yeah, because you want to see the difference in my attitude. I know. I also know that I have you speechless."

Beastboy laughed some more. She got them good. She had them in a corner that they couldn't get out of. That was how smart she was. The tape flickered to another session. This one was at the two week mark.

"How do you feel?"

She sighed.

"I'm bored."

"Why is that?"

"You are asking the same dumb question."

He laughed yet again.

"Just answer the question," the voice said, quite annoyed.

"I feel better, but I don't know if that is because of the medication you have me on or the fact that you are annoyed by me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Depends on what you are talking about."

"The annoyed part."

A smiled creeped across her face.

"Because I am outwitting you."

"Now, why do you think you feel better because of the medication?"

"Take me off of it for three days and question me then. You might have a real answer."

Beastboy laughed harder. The tape flashed. It was three days later. The empty Raven was back. There was dark circles around her eyes and she held onto her arms.

"How do you feel today, my dear?"

"So empty. So alone."

"Is is because you are off the medication?"

"No, it is because you aren't helping me get better. I want to get better."

"Why is that?"

"I want to be with him. I have to be with him. I can't be away from him any longer."

"Can you promise to work harder than before? Can you get better?"

"Yes. Please, just help me. I have to be with him."

The tape flashed again. It was the first month.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Alright, I guess."

"Do you know how long you have been in here?"

"A month."

"Why do you feel alright?"

"I'm not better, but I am getting there. I think that I am almost there."

"To what?"

"To going home. I want to go home."

"Why?"

"Because I want to be with him."

"Why?"

"Because I love him."

Beastboy's heart jumped. She loved him. She had not told him face to face yet, but he knew that she did deep inside. The tape flashed again. It was a month and a half. Raven said crosslegged, hovering in the air. She looked like she normally did.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm really bored. I want something to do and I have to pee."

Beastboy laughed hysterically. She was almost normal.

"You can wait."

"I'm half tempted to teleport out of here."

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

"Raven."

"Sorry."

"What did you do today?"

"Well, you made me sit in a room with a switchblade."

"Why did I do that?"

"Because you wanted to see if I would use it."

"So, what did you do with it?"

"Have you seen it?"

"No. What _did_ you do with it?"

"I blew it up."

The tape flashed. It was recorded two days ago.

"How do you feel today?"

"How many times are you going to ask me the same question?"

"When will you answer correctly?"

She sighed, clearly annoyed. This was the normal Raven, his Raven. She was almost ready to come back home. He wanted her back home.

"Alright, I'm much better."

"Do you have suicidal thoughts?"

"No."

"Do you want to cut?"

"No."

"Do you want to go home?"

"Yes."

"What if I told you you could go home in two days?"

Her eyes lit up. Then, the tape ended.

"Dude! What happened!"

"I came home," Raven said standing behind him.

Beastboy turned. His eyes grew wide. Raven was standing there, her arms folded.

"Raven?"

A half smile creeped across her face.

"Hey, Beastboy."

He jumped up and rushed to her. Smiling, he pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I missed you so much," she whispered.

"I missed you too."

"Did you read my letter?"

Beastboy pulled back. He pulled the letter out of his pocket.

"Not yet, but why? I have you here now."

"Just read it," she said.

He opened it up and looked at it. There was one line written on it. Just one. He looked at her. She smiled.

"I love you."

"I thought you would never say that."

She blushed. He grinned and pulled her back into his arms. He rose one hand to her lips and gently rubbed his thumb across them.

"You have no idea how long I have wanted to kiss you again."

"I don't? I thought that you wouldn't ever kiss me again."

"Don't think like that. I would give anything to kiss you again."

"Then prove it."

So, he did.

BOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGER

Such a cute story. I'll try to finish the really sweet one I'm working on now!

Hikari Moriyaku


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